i got a d in fundies, an e in algebra. wow. my parents are just ‘dissapoited’ and think i have add, which i proabably do. i’m getting tested in a month. i also think i am depressed, but i have no idea how to tell my parents this. depression runs in my family, for one thing. and, when i’m alone or aggrivated, i feel so… i don’t even know. my friends and people i’m close to probably have no idea because i’m always laughing when i’m with them, but when i’m not with anyone or when i’m stressed or angry, i can’t handle it. i don’t even know how to describe it. i just don’t know how to handle life. and i just need to be put on medication or whatever. i kindof want to tell my mom and get it over with so i can put an end to this terrible, overwhelming darkness that comes over me so often. i just don’t know what my mom will think of me… i really don’t have anything to be depressed about [although i know depression is a mental illness. but still.]. i feel bad for complaining because there are so many people who are worse off, but i want to just be better before i actually do something even more rational then what i’ve already done… i don’t know. i’m fucking screwed up. help ):
oh, and i reallyreallyreally want to go to the met. really bad. i would miss some people at scituate, but i can’t let people get in the way of my future. if i’m going to become a photographer, the met opens so many new doors for me. i could be an intern.. i could take photography classes. if you were a college would you accept the girl who went to scituate high school with no photography class or much professional photography experience or the girl who went to the met, who’s a photography intern with a good grade in photography class ? i would miss my friends, sure, but if they’re my real friends they would stay in touch nomatter what. i don’t know. fuck.