i keep dancin on my own: Archive

__________________.

i got a d in fundies, an e in algebra. wow. my parents are just ‘dissapoited’ and think i have add, which i proabably do. i’m getting tested in a month. i also think i am depressed, but i have no idea how to tell my parents this. depression runs in my family, for one thing. and, when i’m alone or aggrivated, i feel so… i don’t even know. my friends and people i’m close to probably have no idea because i’m always laughing when i’m with them, but when i’m not with anyone or when i’m stressed or angry, i can’t handle it. i don’t even know how to describe it. i just don’t know how to handle life. and i just need to be put on medication or whatever. i kindof want to tell my mom and get it over with so i can put an end to this terrible, overwhelming darkness that comes over me so often. i just don’t know what my mom will think of me… i really don’t have anything to be depressed about [although i know depression is a mental illness. but still.]. i feel bad for complaining because there are so many people who are worse off, but i want to just be better before i actually do something even more rational then what i’ve already done… i don’t know. i’m fucking screwed up. help ):

oh, and i reallyreallyreally want to go to the met. really bad. i would miss some people at scituate, but i can’t let people get in the way of my future. if i’m going to become a photographer, the met opens so many new doors for me. i could be an intern.. i could take photography classes. if you were a college would you accept the girl who went to scituate high school with no photography class or much professional photography experience or the girl who went to the met, who’s a photography intern with a good grade in photography class ? i would miss my friends, sure, but if they’re my real friends they would stay in touch nomatter what. i don’t know. fuck.

Jan 28, 2010

“

Here’s to the kids.

The kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of coke & Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party.

Here’s to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them.

Here’s to the kids whose idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars.

Here’s to the kids who never were too good at life, but still were wicked cool.

Here’s to the kids who listened to Fall Out boy and Hawthorne Heights before they were on MTV…and blame MTV for ruining their life.

Here’s to the kids who care more about the music than the haircuts.

Here’s to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush.

Here’s to the kids who hum “A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Touch Me” when they’re stuck home, dateless, on a Saturday night.

Here’s to the kids who have ever had a broken heart from someone who didn’t even know they existed.

Here’s to the kids who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower & didn’t feel so alone after doing so.

Here’s to the kids who spend their days in photobooths with their best friend(s).

Here’s to the kids who are straight up smartasses & just don’t care.

Here’s to the kids who speak their mind.

Here’s to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep.

Here’s to the kids who second guess themselves on everything they do.

Here’s to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do, and to the kids who are okay with that.

Here’s to the kids.

This one’s not for the kids, who always get what they want, But for the ones who never had it at all.

It’s not for the ones who never got caught, But for the ones who always try and fall.

This one’s for the kids who didnt make it, We were the kids who never made it.

The Overcast girls and the Underdog Boys.

Not for the kids who had all their joys.

This one’s for the kids who never faked it. We’re the kids who didn’t make it.

They say “Breaking hearts is what we do best,” And, “We’ll make your heart be ripped of your chest”

The only heart that I broke was mine, When I got My Hopes up too too high.

We were the kids who didnt make it. We are the kids who never made it.

” —

Pete Wentz. (via innocentandsweet)

One quote that never gets old :)

(via fypetewentzquotes)

i would just like to take a moment to honor my sheer and absolute admiration for pete wentz. i believe this quote describes me perfectly. honestly, pete wentz is my hero. i think i like him more then some of my so called ‘friends.’ thank you, pete.

Jan 28, 2010

hell yes,

the school computers don’t block tumblr.

Jan 28, 2010

dear iTunes,

seriously, i refuse to pay $1.29 for a fricking song. i’ll just go download it off beemp3 or mp3boo or something. sorry, sweetie. it’s been real, babe, but this is goodbye.

Jan 27, 2010

*****************************.

1.) she’s a stupid skank.

2.) i know i’m not pretty, or charming, but seriously. you can’t deny that there’s something here.

3.) you’re being rediculously ignorant.

4.) i feel alone.

5.) i want to tell you.

5 1/2.) i want you to tell me.

6.) i have something i need to tell someone.

7.) i’m stupid.

8.) i’m tired.

9.) i’m stupid, again.

10.) …nevermind.

Jan 27, 2010

oh,

I seriously need to cut back on the creeping a bit. Some would find it disturbing.

Jan 27, 2010

Everything's Magic - Angels & Airwaves

squeakyshins:

And do you ever feel like you’re alone? And do you ever wish you’d be unknown? I can say that I have.. I can say that I have.. And do you ever feel things here aren’t right? And do you ever feel the time slip by? And I can say that I have.. And I can say that I have..

So hear this please And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly And look for the stars as the sun goes down Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound Everything, everything’s magic Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight Prepare for the best and the fastest ride And reach out your hand, and I’ll make you mine Everything, everything’s magic

And do you ever lay awake at night? And do you ever tell yourself don’t try? Don’t try to let yourself down Don’t try to let yourself down And do you ever see yourself in love? And do you ever take a chance, my love? Because you know that I will.. Because you know that I will..

So hear this please And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly And look for the stars as the sun goes down Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound Everything, everything’s magic Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight Prepare for the best and the fastest ride And reach out your hand, and I’ll make you mine Everything, everything’s magic

Everything, everything’s magic

So hear this please And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly And look for the stars as the sun goes down Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound Everything, everything’s magic Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight Prepare for the best and the fastest ride And reach out your hand, and I’ll make you mine Everything, everything’s magic

yessss. angles and fucking airwaves. i can’t stop listening to this, along with rite of spring and the adventure.

Jan 27, 2010

:) / ):

i have a secret.

Jan 27, 2010

exactly.

i love when people say ‘exactly.’ it makes me feel like we’re so in sync. it makes me feel like we’re on exactly the same page. i absolutely love it, for some odd reason.

soo, winter-frickin’-ball is, what, saturday ? i reallyyyy don’t want to go, although now i have a date. :( please, if your going, please hang out with me. quite frankly, i don’t want to be stuck with my date the entire night.

report cards thursday. i’ve only gotten the ‘i’m so disappointed in you, you can do so much better’ speech for my E in algebra. so far, so good. [hahah, have you actually ever thought of the phrase ‘so far, so good.’ think of it in litteral terms. like, why are going to these alleged great lengths so excellent ? and to where are you actually going ? hahah.]

ccd started yesterday, ughh. the only good thing is the kid who sits directly across from me is adorable.

i’ve been thinking.

people are so beautiful. the lyric, “this world’s an ugly place, but you’re so beautiful to me” is so true. and the thing is, i don’t even mean it about any one person in particular. just, everything is fucking screwed up, and there are so many great people in our lives who make it beautiful. there are so many people who i can look at and think, “wow, you’re beautiful,” physically and by all other means. and it’s neither men nor women, everyone in general… everyone who is important to me. they’re so fucking beautiful.

Jan 27, 2010

life is.

Dreaming. Nervousness. Exhaustion. Shyness. Confusion. Drawing. Sleeping. Talking. Texting. Crying. Laughing. Hating. Loving. Photography. Watching. Observing. Wishing. Doing. Trusting. Painting. Singing. Writing. Listening. Music.

Jan 25, 2010

i'm overly attracted and terribly convinced,

i’m done with you(:

anyway. BATTLE OF THE BANDS WAS THURSDAY ! it’s over ): what do i do now ? god damn it.

yesterday i went to them there smithfeild stores with mario and brielle. twas good fun. then brielle and i went winter ball dress shoppin’ at warwick mall. wow, i really don’t want to go to winter ball, at all. i’m going to be a fifth wheel. all my friends have dates, except me and i have to go because brielle’s going with my cousin. so while everyone slow dances with their dates i’ll sit by myself. yay.

me madre’s birthday was friday.. went to a shnazzy resturant then my grandma’s. then deanna’s partay.

all in all, a good week / weekend.

Jan 24, 2010

i speak fast, and i'm not going to repeat myself.

So listen carefully to every word I say. I’m the only one who’s gonna get away with making excuses today.

You’re appealing to emotions that I simply do not have. Blackmailed myself, cause I ain’t got anyone else. This is a stick up- give us all your inspiration.” I’ve got the red carpet blues baby.

So, put your hands in the air and don’t make a sound. But don’t get the wrong idea, we’re gonna shoot you. And there’s nothing in your head or pocket, throat or wallet that could change just how this goes. No, we’re gonna shoot you.

When I said that I’d return to you I meant more like a relapse. Now and again I think “His and Her’s” “For better or worse.” But the only ring I want buried with me are the ones around my eyes.

Jan 20, 2010

Jan 20, 20101,202 notes

klufhjkl;sdajhdwtf.

alright. i’m so pissed right now it’s not even funny. every little thing is making me pissed off.

seriously, shut the FUCK up. you don’t love him (: and we all know this. the first guy comes along who’s actually into you and you assume it’s love ? noo. you’re confusing love with attraction, love with sex. you’re perspective of love is so twisted; you don’t even know. get your head out of your ass, or get his penis out of your ass, and open up your fucking eyes.

secondly, posers are really pissing me off right now. little preppy girls are now all of a sudden “like” screamo. what the hell happened to everyone hating screamo ? jesus, go away.

also, i am ever so sorry for bothering you. silly me, i thought we could have had something ? foolish, isn’t it ? sorry i’m such a silly little girl. obviously you’re not over your girlfriend, and obviously she’s desperate enough to take you back (: awesome, just fucking great. thank you. you can go run off to happily-ever-after couple land and i hope you never spare another fucking thought for me (:

andddddd, BATTLE OF THE BANDS IS TOMORROW. i’m so nervous / excited / scared / stressed out. sooo much work to do. so much on my mind. i really just want to sleep, but i’m failing like four of my classes so i should probably go do some work. and i have battle of the bands shit to prepare. god damn it. why can’t anything ever be easy ?

Jan 20, 2010

Jan 18, 2010587 notes

grr.

i have an immense amount of homework.

i’m revising my fundies essay. mrs castanho is even sassy with me in her comments on my writing. on my first draft she asked me a question about my story. so i added something in to clarify. then on my other draft she told me to take it out; completely contridicting herself. wtf, stfu. i hate you.

Jan 18, 2010